I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Everclear isn't food dammit
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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