she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
