she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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