I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
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Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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