my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
