Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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