you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
