I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
