if i can run in heels then i can drive
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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