Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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