Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
