So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
