i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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