you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
