mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
