I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
