I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
