We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
