dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
