I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
