Your face is a jimmy john
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
