If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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