if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
