i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.