theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
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Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"