I wanna bring you to show and tell
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.