there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
