i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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