Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
