is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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