i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
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