You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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