Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
