Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Drunk is not a location!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize