How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
