ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
