felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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