a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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