make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
