the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
