I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
