dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
