It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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