Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
