If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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