Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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