Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
