I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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