you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
