4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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