I wish I only lived at night.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
