I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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