Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
