Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
