Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
