After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
