forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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