Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
