so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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