1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
