Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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