Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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