I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
