my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
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Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
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And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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