After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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