The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
