Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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