I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
