It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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