oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
