At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
