im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
