He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
