so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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