I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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