Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize