Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
