She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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