Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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