I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.