awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.