At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs