Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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