And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
not ubering you a puppy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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