That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.