Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u

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  (734): I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u http://tfl.nu/md4z
  Replies (11) Good night (7448) Bad night (1659)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  If i come over, it means nothing

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  (703): If i come over, it means nothing http://tfl.nu/o2bi
  Replies (3) Good night (2898) Bad night (1355)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?

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  (704): the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer? http://tfl.nu/buzt
  Replies (9) Good night (821) Bad night (1380)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze

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  (816): They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze http://tfl.nu/jmci
  Replies (4) Good night (4468) Bad night (1216)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.

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  (978): he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/v7b4
  Replies (16) Good night (1648) Bad night (7542)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.

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  (651): i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest. http://tfl.nu/l8w8
  Replies (10) Good night (1590) Bad night (2324)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party

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  (574): There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party http://tfl.nu/2g1j
  Replies (5) Good night (2500) Bad night (761)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.

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  (301): He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis. http://tfl.nu/pct3
  Replies (10) Good night (1060) Bad night (2142)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I have a theory he's part Neanderthal

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  (505): I have a theory he's part Neanderthal http://tfl.nu/4i3w
  Replies (11) Good night (819) Bad night (640)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.

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  (615): I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause. http://tfl.nu/2yit
  Replies (8) Good night (1908) Bad night (1122)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!

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  (978): Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab. (617): What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family! http://tfl.nu/wlta
  Replies (16) Good night (4144) Bad night (908)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts

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  (917): My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts http://tfl.nu/5sws
  Replies (3) Good night (941) Bad night (417)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate

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  (908): I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate http://tfl.nu/fdgz
  Replies (0) Good night (483) Bad night (356)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?

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  (519): Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night? http://tfl.nu/rvm4
  Replies (2) Good night (521) Bad night (388)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Are you 5:30 blackout again?

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  (248): Are you 5:30 blackout again? http://tfl.nu/cor7
  Replies (1) Good night (324) Bad night (425)

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