Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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