ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
